So I’ve noticed that the closer I get to thirty the more everyone seems to be interested in my love life. I’m not just talking about my parents and family, I mean my girl friends, guy friends, strangers, people I run into at church, stangers… EVERYONE. I’m not sure if anyone else is experiencing this but its weird. I promise in the past 5 years or so conversations went from “Girl, you have all the time what are you rushing for” to “Girl you better hurry up. What’s taking so long?” “Have you heard of Tinder, Bumble, *insert any name of dating app*?” I mean its crazy. From birth to 25 yes TWENTY FIVE I was practically shamed for being interested in men or even insinuating that I may get married and have a husband one day because I needed to “focus on my goals”. I was always taught that college isn’t an option and you have no time for boys, just one degree isn’t an option, you need to stop worrying about those men and get a good salary paying job, you can afford yourself. Those men aren’t going anywhere, then it was try to start a business then it was ok you have a salary paying job now what side hustle will you be doing. Then BAM “girl why you not married”. And to be quite honest, I don’t know. In my mind I’m thinking “I’ve been out here living the life I was raised to live but not once was I taught about romantic relationships.” I grew up in a two parent home so its not like I never saw one or wanted one but I just never saw it as a priority.
I’m going to be embarrassingly transparent when saying this but at the tender age of 29, I do not know how to date. A few posts back I wrote about missing a few classes on life and this is definitely one that I missed and I know that I’m not the only one. I started to think about of the the girls “dating” in middle/high school and noticed that the experiences they were having back then I didn’t experience until my 20s.
I was talking to some friends (1 man 1 woman) at a birthday party and my guy friend asked my girl friend if she was dating anyone and what was going on with that. He was shocked when she said no. He replied by saying “ you have everything” and started to list her accomplishments and at that time she and I both answered with “But sometimes that’s too much”(keep in mind she has accomplished way more than I could imagine) and we shared experiences when our accomplishments hindered us from dating and we also joked about how the next time we are in that position that we’re just going to lie and keep that to ourselves because guys don’t want that.
Ok now before I go on, I already know somebody is sitting over there with pouty mouth and I am not trying to cause turmoil. I am not saying all men are like this and I am also not saying that women who are in relationships/marriages are not goal driven. I am saying that these are the men we have come across and these are our experiences.
I have had conversations with friends about this and how we feel about the fact that a lot of men would rather have a girlfriend/wife that they build with or help build up then one that they can combine forces with. To be honest sometimes I wish I could back and wait on somethings…but since I can’t, I’ll just continue to ride this ride.
If you are anyone else has experienced anything like this please leave a comment or send your experience to Jiibberjaaber@gmail.com. You can use your name or choose to be anonymous.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
I feel inadequate. I don’t understand why I can’t just be prettier, smarter, more
creative, more social. If only I could dress better, be better, do better… I know my parents have some pretty good genes so I know I’m cute but that’s not enough. I wish I could just go out and live carefree. I wish I didn’t care what they thought about me but I want them to and I need them to like me.
Whoa!!Did I just go off her? Was I mad?Resentful? Threatened? Who cares? I got my point across…I think?There’s no point in scrolling on Insta…it only shines light on how good I’m not. Let me just sit in the house…it’s too much to go out.Maybe if I don’t see them…they won’t see me.
Hello. My name is Lenesha and I have Inferiority Complex.
Let me just try accept this invite…it can’t be that bad. Oooh I think they like me. Idk I
think its a front, they waited until I was gone to judge me. This outfit is cute…but she looks better in it. (hang it up) Oh you’re engaged? Congrats!!! Youjust had a baby?Awww how special. Wow. Your boyfriend showered you in gifts…. Awesome -___- whats that like? Must be nice. “Be happy for them Neesh” I’m trying…im just worried I’ll never know what its like.
Hello. My name is Nesha and I am overcoming Inferiority Complex.
I’m diving into my dreams and passions! If I fail, at least I tried. If I succeed… it’s because I TRIED!! I come to the table with something substantial to
give. Do I have the whole table? Maybe, maybe not, but I’m contributing. Do I have all the answers? No, but I’m willing to offer what I have. I’m beautiful! I’m smart! I’m who God wants me to be. If you like me cool. If you don’t…well that’s on you. Head up. Chest out. Smile beaming!
Hello. My name is Neesh and I overcame Inferiority Complex.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Recently I decided to take a step back from social media because I realized that I was entirely way too focused on other people's lives. This wasn't the first time that I had done this but this was the first time I actually analyzed why. I noticed that I was spending hours a day scrolling on my IG feed, Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat and back again looking at my "friends" live their lives. I've had conversations with my friends who are parents about their kids watching other kids play
with the same toys that they have at home on Youtube meanwhile their toys are either left untouched or played with exactly how someone else played with them. To me this is no different than adults and social media. We're sitting there watching our peers play with our toys all while we either neglect our toys (gifts, talents, resources etc.) while ours go untouched or we try to emulate what someone else is doing to gain success.
We all know that if we didn't get a ticket to a concert, it's ok. We'll probably see every leg of the tour through Facebook Live, Instagram Live or SnapChat. (I've definitely been guilty of this.) You missed your friends birthday, no worries you can attend the same way. Weddings and Funerals aren't even safe which leads me to ask the question "Are you even paying attention and enjoying where you are?" Seriously, I've seen your kids off to school, went on your anniversary with you, I've even seen some of y'alls legs in the tub for bath time. (Don't act like you don't know the famous "me time" snap).
Social media is great for entertainment, networking, keeping up with family and friends in such a mobile time but don't miss the beautiful things happening right in front of you while you're so focused on someone else's beautiful thing.
THOSE ARE BILLS! For anybody who didn’t recognize what all those words had in common.
And for those of you who are familiar with those words, I too would like to know why we wanted to be grown so bad…and also why we have to pay for water(but thats a topic for another day). No but really, what were we thinking?????? We wanted to be able to stay up all night, yet here we are watching the clock for our bed time so we can dive straight into the bed. We wanted to be grown so we could buy all the snacks and sodas but now that we get to go to the store and get WHATEVER we want, we’re searching for super fruits and vegetables so we can “eat clean”. We thought when we were grown we were going to be able to literally do anything we wanted. Lol jokes on us.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be the age I am but I know I’m not the only one that looks back and thinks “I had it made”. Slept in a house I didn’t have to pay for. Ate food and wore clothes I didn’t buy. Ran water way too long that I thought was free. THE LIFE!
If I could talk to my younger self, I would tell her to keep playing with those dolls, get in all the naps you can, enjoy that salad mama put on your plate and enjoy your childhood.
How many times have you gone to a kickback, club, birthday dinner and there’s that one person who just doesn’t quite fit in to the group.
They try to introduce themselves and stutter and fumble on their words. They try to make small talk, it falls flat. Then they usually end up “texting” or scrolling on their phone and when it’s time to go it feels like:
That person is me…
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten choked up on my words when trying to have “casual conversation” in fear of saying the wrong thing or sounding weird. Then the conversation turns into one awkward long pause followed by a couple of words…another awkward pause…and some more words until somebody finds any excuse to walk away.
As I’ve gotten older and finally managed to have decent conversations, I’ve realized that there are more socially awkward people than I thought. Some people have just gotten better at masking it than others. I also found out that I wasn’t the only one out here feeling like:
Thanks to social media, it’s easier for us to seem social without really having to do much besides post a few cool pictures and memes every now and again but the truth always comes out when we are forced with that face to face interaction. So if you see me in public and I don’t speak, its not because I’m rude…It’s because I’m not the best at social interactions.
What would happen if you dedicated a year of your life to trying new experiences?
On July 15, 1988 a queen was born. Who’s that you ask?? ME!!! As I sit the day after my birthday and reflect on the past year all I can do is be grateful.
Backstory: this time last year I was fresh(6 months)out of a horrible but necessary breakup from a very draining relationship. Never had I imagined in that broken state that I would be the happy woman I am just a year later. Not saying my life is perfect now but I’m much better off than I was.
To get to this point of happiness, I told myself I would have a “Year of Yes. I would say “yes” to as many things as I could for a full year and see where it could get me. I had gotten so down to the point that I didn’t want to leave my house but I also knew that I needed to throw myself back in the game. I decided that I would answer yes to any invitation (within reason) I was offered.
What that do for me?
It got me out of the house!!!! I met some incredible people, had amazing experiences and I found myself again. Was it hard at first? YES! But I fought through it. I went out on days/nights when I didn’t want to ad slowly starting realizing I was having a good time and actually enjoyed being around people lol.
Did I say yes to everything?
No. I know that I require a certain amount of “recharging” time so I wasn’t at everything I was invited to just to make sure I maintained a healthy level of sanity but I did make sure that I said yes to more things than I said no to.
Ask yourself “How could a year of yes benefit me?” It could be for your social life, work life, starting a business etc. Then get out there and start saying yes!!!