Featured

Live YOUR Life for YOU!

So recently I found myself feeling tired and worn out for what seemed to be no reason. It was summer break, so I wasn’t working. I was half assing my workouts so I wasn’t sore. I had been cancelling plans left and right so I wasn’t being social. I was a hermit. I was sitting home alone…doing nothing…so I couldn’t understand why I was so tired.

I finally started to notice that even though I was laying down every night going to sleep, I was resting. My mind was working nonstop. It was my mind that was tired. It was tired from overthinking literally everything. I realized that I was living for everyone around me and not doing what came natural for me. I didn’t even know what I actually wanted at some points. I was forgetting who I was and working overtime to make sure I was who everyone else expected me to be. I was willing to deal with it internally in order to spare someone else’s feelings even if they weren’t taking care of my feelings just the same. Once I realized what I was doing and understood that I needed to think for myself, I slept for a WHILE. And when I woke up I was able to start the work on me that I needed. I learned 2 things: 1)how to say no and 2)how to speak up for myself and mean it. Trust me it isn’t easy, especially as someone who avoids conflict at all cost even if that means my anxiety is about to be sky high everytime I needed to leave the house. I even tried to normalize it to myself. I started to be ok with showing up to an event an hour late because I was “getting ready”. No, I wasn’t getting ready, I was pacing, checking the mirror, finding things wrong with my outfit, and eventually talking myself out of even going. Now, I didn’t cancel every time but it’s and embarrassing amount and for more excuses than I have time to type. 

CHIILLLLEEEEEEEEE Do you know how exhausting that is? 

I realized that it was time to unpack. It was time to rearrange the space in my home as well as my brain. It was time to let go of of things physically and mentally. I started noticing that I just wanted to get rid of everything in my house. I was taking bag after bag of clothes to the donation center. I was cleaning out and throwing away anything that looked like it might get in my way but I also noticed that I was(still am) holding on to a lot of unnecessary things. I’m still a work in progress but I know that I have finally reached that point to where I don’t want to hold on to things that aren’t serving a purpose. I had to really sit down with myself and figure out why I was doing some of the things I was doing, like still getting paper mail. GIRL! Its 2019 GO GREEN! Lol! But seriously, I was making sure that the life I was living was working FOR ME. I started realizing that I was slipping into a mundane routine lifestyle and that I was just going about my day the exact same way, EVERYDAY because “that’s what I’ve always done”.  Sure, schedules and consistent routines are important but when you start to snatch the fun out of life, it snatches the fun out of YOU. And that what I was sitting at home realizing.I wasn’t having fun anymore. I was using all of my energy complaining about the life that I was in charge of. THAT’S CRAZY!! 

Enjoying a well deserved glass of wine at Bacco Wine Bar on Montrose Blvd.

Once I was able to get to the root of the issue, I started moving furniture, updating my wardrobe and filling in my calendar! I only got one life and I’m about to live it!

Featured

How did I get here…

So here I am at a fork trying to figure out what to do next…I see everyone around me living out my dreams and I don’t understand why I’m not getting these opportunities. Yes, everyone says what God has for you is for you but in my mind, I’m like a toddler screaming “God you’re giving all of my things away! “..

REWIND

Let me introduce myself… I’m Neesh, a 20something living in Houston trying to navigate through life. I’m a teacher by day and a dreamer by night. I became a teacher kind of by fluke accident but here I am 4 years in this profession. I love the kids I do but it’s not enough.

Let’s go back even further, I was a comm major in college with dreams of being a music producer, PR specialist, something…not a TEACHER?! Somewhere along the line I gave up on my dream because I felt it was too hard and I wanted to be “successful” NOW and sad to say I’m regretting it now.

I’m sure you didn’t come here to read about my complaints so let’s move forward.

I’m starting this blog to wake up the writer in me and share my view as I navigate through this crazy world. So be prepared to laugh with me, cry with me and cringe with me as I share my experiences!

-Love,

Neesh

The Gin that didn’t make me sin

Not only do we wear pink on Wednesdays, We also DRINK pink!

LISTEN!! I have never been a gin drinker but The Women in Spirits event at Harold’s in the Heights changed my mind. I’m not a regular gin drinker, I’m a PINK gin drinker. IMG_2654.JPGBeefeater’s Pink Gin to be exact! At the ‘On Wednesdays We Drink Pink’ event, I was introduced to the most tasty gin I’ve ever met. The menu consisted of 3 drinks all made with the signature pink gin (my favorite was the Pink 75).At this event, not only was I able to taste these tasty drinks but I was also able to chat with other bloggers and trade tips as well as get advice.

IMG_2668Harold’s in the Heights will definitely be seeing me again. It was a nice, chill atmosphere. The perfect place to catch up with a friend or for a date night. I didn’t have a chance to really try out the menu but no worries I’ll be back for the food!

What was the best part you say?? These lovely ladies not only gave us unlimited drinks, we were also given a goodie bag with organic cotton candy from Sugaire, a

IMG_2712

coupon for Kendra Scott, a macaroon from Joy’sMacaroons as well as a t- shirt and bandana from Beefeater Gin, all pink of course!

 

What You Got 2019?

It’s time for New Year’s resolutions and I’m not making any humongous goals or anything this year. I just want to resolve that I keep the same happiness, joy and sense of fulfillment and spirit of giving and self care regimen as I have right now during the Christmas and holiday season. I just hope that as the year goes on and tides change that I am able to come back to this place of peace. It may sound strange or seem as though I’m taking it easy but I’m not going to set any specific weight loss goals or set many goals with definite ends as I’ve done in the past. It’s kind of scary and I feel like I’m going on a trip with no map but I’m going to keep it simple and pray to stay consistent and see where it gets me.

This year I did something new, I wrote a letter to my future self. I told myself how great I had done and how proud of myself I will be. I also made a point to recap how I felt this year went for myself, and I must say, I am pleased with the outcome. No, it definitely wasn’t error free but I learned so much about myself and came to several realizations about myself. Each year I am amazed at how much better I get know myself no matter how much I think I already know.

In my letter I set some pretty exciting and scary expectations for myself for this year and I can’t wait to see what my future self will think about me.

 

But It’s Just Hair…Right?

I grew up ashamed of my hair. Everyone around me had long silky straight hair that grew down their backs and I didn’t. I used to always tell my mom that I wanted to wear my hair “hanging down” like my friends at school who were many other races, none were black. While they were able to let their hair go free, I always had some style of IMG_5722braids. Cornrows styled in every imaginable way, micros, crochet. You name it, I had it, and I was being asked questions about it. “Why do your braids stick to your head like
that?” “Is that all your hair?” “You wear FAKE hair?” The questions were endless and sometimes followed by giggles. Sometimes I would lie and say yes it was my hair to save myself from embarrassment. These interactions taught me that something was different about me. They had me believing that something was WRONG with me. By the age of 10, I had already developed a complex about my hair. It was ugly.

I always wanted to use the shampoos and conditioners that I saw on tv. Their commercials always had the lady get her hair washed and once she was finished her hair just flowed and shined and I wanted THAT! I can’t even articulate the disappointment I had when my mom finally used those products on my hair and it didn’t look like the ladies on the commercial. I was so disappointed that I told my mom that I wish I was white so that I could have hair like that. From this moment on, I tried my best to camouflage my hair as much as possible.

Even though I had a relaxer and my hair was straight, I wasn’t happy with my hair because it wasn’t long enough. It wasn’t smooth enough. It just wasn’t enough. I was so unhappy with the hair that God gave me that once I was in charge of my hair I only wore weaves and wigs so that I could have that long, luxurious hair that I always desired. The days that I had to go out with just my hair I would apologize for it, try to cover it, or just try to hide myself. While lot of women use weave and wigs to enhance their looks or play around with different looks, I started using them as a safety blanket that I didn’t think I could leave the house without.

Even when I was finished with relaxers I was more so embarrassed by my hair because my natural hair wasn’t what they (media) portrayed natural hair to look like. It wasn’t IMG_5781big and bouncy with laid edges. I had tight, dry, “nappy” curls thatcouldn’t be “tamed”. Instead of my curls laying, shining and cooperating, I had this bush that grew up to the sky, but thank God for those wigs and bundles! As natural hair became more
“acceptable” I began to envy all the women and girls embracing their natural hair. Their bald heads, their tiny fros, their textures and styles. I loved it on everyone but myself.

One day I started to notice that black women, women like me, were posting all over IMG_5728social media that they love their hair and it wasn’t “tamed”, it wasn’t bouncy, it wasn’t silk pressed. It was natural, growing from their scalps, up to the sky, like mine. And they
LOVED IT! It was embraced! But why couldn’t I embrace it. It was the comments: “Is THAT how you’re going to wear it?” “When are you going to do something to it?” “You don’t comb that?” Yay! More comments to feed my complex.

Eventually as my outlook on the world and myself matured I came to accept myself and my hair as beautiful. After being natural for almost 10 years I’m finally embracing the texture of my hair. No, my curls are juicy could and no my edges aren’t slicked down. I can’t do a wash and go. My hair requires work but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s mine and it’s beautiful! Yes, I will slap a wig on or go get braids in a minute but not as a cover up, I use them as options The questions haven’t stopped and I don’t think they ever will. Now instead of lying or cowering or diverting attention, I proudly answer questions about my hair. Something IS different about me and I’m proud of it!!

IMG_6014

 

Mask Off

A mask is a covering for all or part of the face, worn as a disguise, or to amuse or terrify other people. A mask is meant to be used for fun. To be taken off after an event or holiday for you to return to your natural face. The face that everyone knows you as. But what would happen in you enjoyed your mask more than you regular face and started to wear it day in and day out. Besides everyone around you seeing it as strange they would also want to know what you are hiding and why you would prefer to stay behind a hot mask. Your skin would start to suffer underneath. It would be hard to breathe. You would start to lose friends. Your family would worry. You would be asked to seek help.

woman girl eyes blur
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What if I said all of the same was true about the figurative masks we sometimes wear? Yes, its ok to throw it on real quick when you’re having a bad day but need to go to work so you mask your feelings and deal with them later. Or things are so great with your SO so you guys put on a mask and act like everything is fine while you go out with friends or family then deal with you issues later. Those are natural and OK uses for our figurative masks. But what happens when you wear that mask for too long? Your skin starts to suffer. You will appear strange if you’re happy ALL THE TIME. Your friends and family will want to know what you are hiding. It would be hard to breathe.

You cannot wear a mask forever. That is not a part of it’s purpose. I had to tell this ery same thing to myself because I had been wearing a mask for YEARS and it gets tiring waking up and making sure to remember my mask. Getting home and dealing with myself when I took my mask off at night when I was alone. Having to wear it overnight when I wasn’t able to be alone long enough to take it off and be me. It was getting hard to breath. My skin was suffering and people were trying to figure out what I was hiding.

I got tired yall. I got tired of that mask. No I am not always fine and that is OK. No, I’m not what everyone expects me to be and that is OK. I’m learning to love myself without the mask and its not easy but its worth it. Did I go cold turkey? HELL NO that’s terrifying but I made sure to start with people that I knew who would accept me no matter what and eventually started opening up (or cutting off) those who I was skeptical about. Am I mask free? NOPE. A work in progress is what I am so when I need to, I grab my mask and wear it for its intended purpose and that is ok but I refuse to wear it long enough to forget who I really am ever again.

dawn sunset beach woman
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Dating?

close up of padlocks hanging on heart shape
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

So I’ve noticed that the closer I get to thirty the more everyone seems to be interested in my love life. I’m not just talking about my parents and family, I mean my girl friends, guy friends, strangers, people I run into at church, stangers… EVERYONE. I’m not sure if anyone else is experiencing this but its weird. I promise in the past 5 years or so conversations went from “Girl, you have all the time what are you rushing for” to “Girl you better hurry up. What’s taking so long?” “Have you heard of Tinder, Bumble, *insert any name of dating app*?” I mean its crazy. From birth to 25 yes TWENTY FIVE I was practically shamed for being interested in men or even insinuating that I may get married and have a husband one day because I needed to “focus on my goals”. I was always taught that college isn’t an option and you have no time for boys, just one degree isn’t an option, you need to stop worrying about those men and get a good salary paying job, you can afford yourself. Those men aren’t going anywhere, then it was try to start a business then it was ok you have a salary paying job now what side hustle will you be doing. Then BAM “girl why you not married”. And to be quite honest, I don’t know. In my mind I’m thinking “I’ve been out here living the life I was raised to live but not once was I taught about romantic relationships.” I grew up in a two parent home so its not like I never saw one or wanted one but I just never saw it as a priority.

I’m going to be embarrassingly transparent when saying this but at the tender age of 29, I do not know how to date. A few posts back I wrote about missing a few classes on life and this is definitely one that I missed and I know that I’m not the only one. I started to think about of the the girls “dating” in middle/high school and noticed that the experiences they were having back then I didn’t experience until my 20s.

black and white blank challenge connect
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I was talking to some friends (1 man 1 woman) at a birthday party and my guy friend asked my girl friend if she was dating anyone and what was going on with that. He was shocked when she said no. He replied by saying “ you have everything” and started to list her accomplishments and at that time she and I both answered with “But sometimes that’s too much”(keep in mind she has accomplished way more than I could imagine) and we shared experiences when our accomplishments hindered us from dating and we also joked about how the next time we are in that position that we’re just going to lie and keep that to ourselves because guys don’t want that.

Ok now before I go on, I already know somebody is sitting over there with pouty mouth and I am not trying to cause turmoil. I am not saying all men are like this and I am also not saying that women who are in relationships/marriages are not goal driven. I am saying that these are the men we have come across and these are our experiences.

I have had conversations with friends about this and how we feel about the fact that a lot of men would rather have a girlfriend/wife that they build with or help build up then one that they can combine forces with. To be honest sometimes I wish I could back and wait on somethings…but since I can’t, I’ll just continue to ride this ride.

If you are anyone else has experienced anything like this please leave a comment or send your experience to Jiibberjaaber@gmail.com. You can use your name or choose to be anonymous.

Summer DIY Project #1: Operation Dresser

So I have been away from my blog for far too long but I am back. This post will be a little different compared to my other posts but I wanted to share so share I will do!

For those of you who may not know me, I must tell you that I am not a DIY girl, but I have found that doing things yourself can save A LOT OF MULA and who doesn’t want to do that???? Since Summer is finally here, I can relax until I’m bored then when I get bored I can find a random project to attempt which has led me to this post!!


I found myself looking around my townhome wanting to make some changes but I didn’t exactly have enough coinage to fund my remodeling dreams sooooo I turned to Youtube and started watching DIY videos to get some motivation. I saw a video about using marble contact paper to transform furniture pieces but once I started that, It seemed a little tricky so I put it on pause until I got my feet wet. (I promise I’ll go back and finish)

IMG_3674

For my first project, I figured I would start with something small and hard to ruin so I decided to change the knobs on my dresser and nightstand.

So here I have my dresser that I purchased for my very first apartment in 2013. I wanted to do a little upgrading so that it would fit the personality and décor I have now in 2018 and what easier way than by sprucing it up with some new knobs.

IMG_3536

This project was easy. All I needed was a screwdriver, the knobs and the new screws (included in package from amazon).

 

I decided, to take each knob off one at a time to replace them and VOILA 30-45 minutes later I had a NEW DRESSER!

IMG_3541

Stay tuned for more summer projects, adventures and random chats!